Surgical Screws Win Prizes

The current trend of CttH acquiring much sought after and much desired Edinburgh Capitals memorabilia / merchandise is getting a bit out of hand now. So why is that you say? We've only gone and secured the 'low priced' rights ( it was free ) to display the bane of Doug Christiansen's 09/10 Elite Ice Hockey season. We've got our filthy hands on the X-ray of his knee AND we have the actual surgical pin used to hold his shaky bones in place, can you believe it?

The only thing that has shocked Check to the Head more than Doug's X-ray is the moment when Mohammed Ali Amar aka Nayim lobed David Seaman in the last minute of play from 50 yards plus during the 1995 UEFA cup final. He used to play for Spurs too - ironically



Anyway, back to Doug. Check it out with check to the head!
We're so hot right now (our own personal opinion).

















Doug's wonky knee in all it's post-surgical glory. He doesn't know we have this image, it is a mighty find for our grizzly blog but it isn't that shocking is it? You've seen worse right? Like that time that boxer guy a few years a go who got up out his seat and more or less immediately twisted and snapped his ankle. You know what one I'm on about yeah? Surely you also own a copy of Nick Hancock's Sporting Nightmares on VHS too right? If you do then THAT GUY! yeah that one!

So why were we so shocked at what we received? Once again I will let the wonderful media of coloured photography do the talking! It's also our favoured method of blog shock & awe!

Doug's knee screw as found in MiR Car Park

So what are we going to do with this amazing and very, very Edinburgh Capitals sort of object? We though about offering it up as some sort of super, awesome prize that almost every fan would want to own but then we decided to just throw it away...

CttH Revamp Quick Update

Due to an un-named politician claiming Check to the Head on his oops his/hers expenses we have managed to over-haul the old blog with the large cash windfall. The update has nothing at all to do with the incriminating photographs that we have of him/her and a public toilet incident.

I myself have no idea how we got hold of the photos, honest! Diego appeared one day with them. So if you really want to know what he was doing in a loo with a very, very friendly public servant, just ask him!

All Emails can be directed to Diego@Ilovecornedbeef.com

Anyway and far more importantly look how flash we are now, oh yeah! Don't wish your girlfriend was as hot as the check to the head blog... Dont'cha!


Let us know what you think, seriously we want some feedback this time and why don't you answer our highly topical poll question when you're at it. We look forward to hearing from all five of you.

Patrik Luza: A Lasting Memory

Mr 'Hat-trick' Patrik Luza certainly won't be remembered for his time at the Capitals for the following stats. (see below) I had actually forgotten how very decent he was during his first season with the club, he was an expert at keeping the puck in the offensive zone and was reliable at the back. Most fans wanted the Slovak back at the club including myself oh the shame, the shame! Won't anyone please think of the children....

2006-07 Edinburgh Capitals EIHL 52 14 26 40 116
2007-08 Edinburgh Capitals EIHL 48 8 16 24 66 2 0 0 0 0

As for his 2nd season with the Mighty Capitals of Edinburgh.

Well lets just post up exactly what he WILL be remembered for after a not so terrific last season of play for the Pardubice wall of fame listed D-man.

Actual Club Car*

Sorry Patrik - I even sponsored your jersey - but it's true!

* It's not

A Postcard From Darius P

Just before the Easter Holidays and the playoff finals weekend we received a very, very special surprise in the post. So here it is!

A POSTCARD FOR DARIUS PLISKAUSKAS! - Awoooga :0)

He's obviously all 'FOR' Romford now. I mean how beautiful is that card? You would love to have been sent that as an ickle Easter surprise from a family member let alone from a two time Caps escapologist. It is that special!

Anyway it was surprising for us due to the simple fact that we haven't ever given out our PO Box address for CttH - we set it up to look more professional - I guess Darius Pliskauskas has his contacts in the Lithuanian KGB either that or his fellow countryman and CttH's favourite person ever Dino has been tracking us for a few days with those ever impressive built in communist skills. OR and far more likely he used his 'Marshall Bravestarr' style powers. Ears of the Wolf, eyes of the Wolf, taste of the Wolf, smell of the Wolf, skating ability of the Wolf, stamina of the Wolf, hair growing ability of the Wolf and all that

For any younger readers see link for Marshall Bravestar information: http://http//en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marshall_Bravestarr

For everyone else who remembers him and his skills and his ultra cool talking horse with the massive gun ( We actually mean a gun this time ) have a nice 'New Texas' crotch shot of the old law enforcer

Romford Postcard + Darius Pliskauskas + Dino + Marshall Bravestarr

= Check to the Head!

Dan Welch Pre- Capitals

Now that the season is over it is going to become harder and harder for CttH to do these regular and much anticipated updates. We might just have to start making stuff up or something. I also know for a fact "Iain C" salivates at the mere thought of a Check to the Head update.
If you listen very closely that yucky, moist tongue noise you can just about make out well that's him. SHUT UP IAIN! He's easily impressed you see. As I was saying as the season is over we will be forced to look back at the recently complete campaign for an interesting story to tell.

Soooo.... recently CttH got its hands on a secret picture of twisty, jinky legged, ladies man and puck greedy Dan Welch before he joined the Capitals. Our source has umm asked to remain anonymous. The photo itself was taken approximately seven weeks before joining the team.


The picture that you can see quite clearly on the left is Dan Welch before he got the call to join the Edinburgh Capitals.
It is definitely not the co star of hit US TV sit com 'King of Queens' Paton Oswalt.

After Doug Christiansen found Dan Welch's contact number after a very expensive 118-118 call Dan hit the gym. He chased after chickens, he punched dead cows repeatedly, he ran up mountains, he pissed off Paulie, he was blessed by Father Carmine in Latin, he out sprinted Apollo Creed and was beaten up by Clubba Lang. He also stitched himself up and wore a red bandanna in the Vietnam jungle... No wait, that's not right.

Anyway the muscles from Hastings, MN as he is now called turned things around, his on screen time was also cut back so that allowed him to appear at the rink of dreams every weekend The pay increase also helped!

As this more up to date image proves Paton, Sorry Dan really did do a trick by sticking to his Tyra Bank endorsed 'Eat Healthy Foods' diet. She's so sensible, it's like she has her fingers on the pulse of original thinking. Anyway the fighting spirit and desire to regain his world title from Clubba Lang also helped. He took on the wrecking machine that was flab and taught it a bitch-ass lesson. Mickey would be so proud.

That's why us here at Check to the Head also fully back the Total Gym, endorsed by Chuck Norris & Christie Brinkley, it is the best home gym on the market. With over 80 exercises it's like having an entire gym full of fitness equipment in just ONE machine.

If it's good enough for Dan, it's good enough for you!

!CHUCK WANTS YOU TO GET IN SHAPE!

http://www.totalgymdirect.com/

5 Players We Should Have Signed

It is update time once more, can I get a yeehaa?

So here it is five players we SHOULD have signed (all real) for no other reason that their high quality, high humour, high brilliance names :)

Dustin McCrank - C'mon imagine having a guy called Dustin McCranck in your team (pictured above) That's right Dustin McCrank! He exists, it's a real person with a real name. Would other fans laugh? Quite probably, would we laugh? Absolutely! Would he be rubbish? More than likely. Mr McCrank for the Caps Awoooga!

BJ Gaylord - OK, OK If your surname was Gaylord, which is very funny in itself why oh why would your parents give you fore names with the initials B.J? Im sure you probably think we have made this guy up but go on hockeydb him, he's there. He really is.

Robin Big Snake - It would be simply fantastic if the Capitals could ice McCranck, Big Snake and Gaylord all at the same time. What would the Caps TV commentary be like? Would they be able to broadcast before 9pm? Maybe it would go something like this, just setting the scene here.

It is in over-time of course and....

" Dustin McCranck sets things up for Gaylord, who quickly finishes it off after a nice one, two with Big Snake in the high slot "

Or something like that.... What, What?

Willi Winkes - Nope, we didn't make this one up either. OK we will admit that he's not a well known player or even still alive, maybe he is maybe he's not you can do the research into it. He was though a coach with Frankfurt in the German Oberliga during the 80's.
Is it just me or is their a theme to all these names so far?

Bear Trapp - Just a brilliant, brilliant, brilliant name and he would probably be half decent in the EIHL. If Neil Hay can get a game then Mr Bear Trapp deserve a spot on the Capitals roster purely based on the awesomeness of his name. I'd sponsor that jersey for shizzle...

Taylor Christie's Favourite Colours

It is well known that Check to the Head always report the facts*


So continuing on with that tradition and after an extensive & in depth investigation which saw us drink much coffee and pop many a pro plus we here at CttH Towers are at last after several very long months very proud - in fact we feel great pride - to present the results of the question that was on the tip of every Caps fans lips towards the end of last season.

What are Taylor Christie's top five favourite colours?


So the below high definition or 'HD' if you prefer graphic displays the much sought after answers. We hadn't heard of any of them so a massive thanks goes out to Dulux for their fantastic yet very informative descriptions of Taylor Christie's favourite colours.






Check to the Head hopes you appreciate our efforts in bringing you all the answers. A comment or two or even pimping the blog to your friends would help you know, well every little helps


*We know that is lies, we never report the facts

Where's Willy

Somewhere in the picture below Mr Willy Dunn is hiding. WHERE ARE YOU MR DUNN?

So can you do what no member of the Capitals organisation, whether it be management, player or helpful volunteer has done this year and find Willy Dunn? Just where is Willy Dunn?

P.S For an extra special bonus and brownie points with us here at CttH towers can you find the original big bag of Capitals legacy Jerseys that Willy has sneakily hid and kept away from the Caps fans too.... What a cheeky scamp he is!

Don't worry if you can't find him, we'll think of an excuse as to why you can't find Mr Dunn or the Legacy tops and will inform each of you individually through email.

Remember Dino Bauba

Just press play...

Classic Dino...Awoooga!

The Secret Life Of...

Simon Lambert / Edinburgh Capitals

Not many people know that Simon Lambert BSc, FRCS, FRCS Ed Orth has Special clinical interests in reconstruction and joint replacement, Arthroscopy of the shoulder and fracture reconstruction. He loves a good proximal humerus fracture, it's true. You all thought the Capitals signed him for his Hobey Baker Award nomination and lightning quick feet, well think again. We signed him for his god given healing, talented hands. Mr Lambert trained in shoulder and reconstructive surgery on the North West Thames orthopaedic rotation, complementing this with two Fellowships in Switzerland studying shoulder and trauma surgery. ( very clever guy is Simon )



Also lots of people simply don't know that Lambert's practice at Spire Bushey Hospital deals solely with problems of the shoulder and elbow, from sports-related injuries. Martin Cingel would be out for the season if it wasn't for Simon Lambert's shoulder expertise.

Thank you Simon!

So there you go the secret life of Simon Lambert revealed....hard hitting facts presented by CttH

Scott Neil - "Look a likey" ... well almost

We couldn't find a good quality picture of the Caps main gringo Señor Neil so in true Check To The Head styleeee we improvised. Hell we improvised, we decided to use the next best thing to a picture of Scott Neil. That of course being someone completely different from an entirely different part of the world but with the exact same name as Scott Neil... so see what we did there?




The results are truly outstanding! Just look at who "Scott Neil" looks like. It is an A list umm list of famous faces. Mike Myers keeps the hockey connection going. Shawn 'Once of the rockers' Michaels ( We miss Marty Janety ) is there as is Ricky ' I'm not gay' Martin and best of all Woop, Woop, Yeeeha and Awoooga none other than MR FRED SAVAGE, what a guy!

You have to admit you would all love to have a list like this surrounding your face.
You want to be the new Harry Connick Jnr, you want to be Ashton Kutcher and be able to star in fantastic movies such as ' Dude, Where is my car? ' and be able to 'nob up' an older woman.

P.s We use the term fantastic movies loosely...

Facebook Group You Should Join

Check To The Head proudly presents: Facebook Groups You Should Join:

Now have a look at this bad boy, the simple fact that a Nottingham fan created this group has nothing to do with why you should join this Facebook group:

We here based a Check to the Head towers dislike the Steelers for obvious reasons, well not quite obvious. We don't care about all their goon antics or slashes or hooks or spears or for their stinking grey jerseys that they used to have. We hate them because a few seasons ago down at the playoff finals we handed a free issue of CttH to Mr David Simms - I repeat a FREE issue -and he promptly passed it off to one of his "entourage". Now that is disrespect sir in anyones book. D I S R E S P E C T. So for that fact alone we are promoting this group.

I sure as hell hope to see an increase in the number of members by a good two or three in the coming months.

O-O-Owen Fussey

Just a quickie now (that's what she said )

So when I woke up this morning my head was full of Owen Fussey songs.
Muse had well and truely bitch slapped me in the face and the ideas were free flowing.
It was almost as if I was a part of the Stock, Aitken & Waterman 80s super song writing team. Now, just like S.A.W I am not claiming that these ideas for songs are any good and also just like Stock, Aitken & Waterman I simply don't care. I wan't to share them with the three or so people that actually read this thing.

So here they are in no particular order at all all two of them:

To the tune of Cyndi Lauper - Money Changes Everything

Fussey changes everything
Owen Fussey changes everything
ye' think ye know what he's doin'
That don't mean a thing
Coz he's past you now
Fussey changes everything

And to Abba - Money, Money, Money

Fussey, Fussey, Fussey
He's in a hurry
Many pucks he's hurled
Fusey, Fussey, Fussey
Always sunny
In the Ca-aps world

Aye, well. Like I said I don't care what you think. No.. YOU suck!

Strong Caps Rumours

BREAKING CAPITALS NEWS

Their is a strong rumour emerging from Murrayfield tonight that the young British players simply can not get enough of Pokemon. ' Gotta catch them all ' Despite being a decade or so late the young wiper snappers and ankle biters at the club regularly swap cards and join up to play a 'game boy' connect game. It is being reported they battle it out and test their Pokemon trainer skills often. I personally don't see it as a bad thing as it is quite clearly a group bonding session and certainly can not harm their on ice chemistry. Well once they all get on the ice at the same time.

Anyway and probably most shockingly of all an inside source at the club - not the giant American play caller - has informed us here at Check to the Head towers that fans favourite and cheeky imp Jordan Steel's favourite monster in his pocket is none other than musical mistero 'Jigglypuff'
We caught up with a Jigglypuff tonight and this was it's response to the news


See even Jigglypuff's know they suck! Quite clearly Onyx is where it's at!

As of 9.50pm Mark Paterson's and Dean Hollan'd preferences were still 'unconfirmed'

Random Hockey Based Fact:

Did you know....

Neil Hay loves his leaky pipe!

Fact

CttH Joke Of The Month

Q: How do you know a leper is playing ice hockey?

A: There's a 'face-off' in the corner


What????

Miracle on Toast!

I LOVE THE SMELL OF BREAD IN THE MORNING

and so does Doug Christiansen!

Doug Christiansen's face in miniature form on a piece of lovely toast (not hand made by Scotland's #1 Breadspert Diego ) This triangular slice of flour produced genius is now on show at the Murrayfield Museum Of Hockey Based Delights and Oddities or the MMHBDO for short!

Of course the likeness is open for discuss and in depth debate, I for one am not truly convinced by the miracle on toast for a start their is no red tie and when have you ever seen DC without a red tie on?! Exactly my point well made.

Good Evening!

Two updates in the one day, impressive eh?

Anyway I thought I would go back to an old favourite of ours at CttH. Of course its the celebrity lookalike generator machine from bebo! Can I get a woop woop? ( Thanks Diego ) He loves a good woop woop opportunity!

So lets get to it; this time I chose to match up Edinburgh Capitals mega flop Michel ' Miguel Rodriguez ' Robinson. So who exactly does the sloppy goalie who the Panthers fans love to bits look like from the world of A-Z list celebrity. Well the answers are:

Umm, ok so he looks like that guy from Godzilla and Japanese baseballer who has some speed and some Italian director, surprisingly none of them are French Canadian or Hispanic....

Hmmm. Anyway I'm not really sure what this proves but it is slightly entertaining. I think their might be some more of this over the next few weeks... or not!

WTF? An Update Sharp vs Pizza

So I have decided to start doing this stuff again, well for now.

I'm at work just now and I'm having as much fun as Andrew Sharp did in his recent "fight" with Mr Bergin of Nottingham Panthers fame. One thing is for sure my cold ridden nose is just as bright red as Sharp's was last week (3.1.10) after taking a sweet right hook slap bang on the nose. The main difference being my red beak hasn't knocked me to my knees.

Sharp posed his way through the early part of the skirmish. He was standing on the ice swinging his arms and fists in the fashion of an 1800's proper gentleman boxer all he was missing was the waxed handle bar moustache and the upper class London accent. The fight itself was over in a matter of seconds as Sharp posed Bergin chucked hurt bombs with the intent of hurting Sharp's sense of well being. Sharp took one on the face which left him visibly shaken, as per norm the Caps 'enforcer' offered very little in response, he chose to clutch and grab over throwing punches of his own. He clearly lost yet another scrap.

Now at the start of the 09/10 season Doug Christiansen promised Sharp would win us all over with his attitude to the game. Well here at CttH towers we are still waiting to be won over, we're still waiting to be even the slightest bit impressed. We're left to think that the money being spent on Sharp would be better off spent on providing pizzas for the young british guys for the long bus journeys they have to make almost every weekend.
I think it's a fair swap at least a nice warm pizza would do some good for our team. It certainly would bring a smile to the cheeky, cheeky face of Jordan Steel and it might just tickle the ribs of Mark ' the postman ' Paterson, never a bad thing. In our book that more than makes Pizza the better deal.

So there you have it, I think CTTH has just proven without a doubt that a pizza has more value to the Capitals than Andrew Sharp. Sad but true!

T2MA and Macho Man

Another excellent, excellent installment of 'The 2 man advantage'.

I would love to do something like this, maybe it can happen, you should watch out for CttH TV next season. So as Mach Man Randy Savage once said at his wedding to the fine, fine, Fiiiiiiiiine, Miss Elizabeth "Ooooooooooooooooh Yeeeeaaahh!"

( If you have no idea what I'm talking about watch the video below)