Have you ever wondered who the UK's number one Jarvis was? Has it ever kept you awake at night as you struggle to come to terms with such a heavy weight and annoying decision. Well worry no more hockey fans because here at CttH mansion we have taken on this mighty challenge to discover once and for all who really is Britain's best Jarvis.
WES JARVIS VS JARVIS COCKER
Personality:
Wes - He knows his role very well on the Devils, he plays the game with heart and soul and for me that goes a long way.You never need to ask him where the passion is. He obviously takes pride in what he does and I think that will translate over to the fans. He is sensible on the ice well most of the time, he did willingly choose to fight Brad Voth twice last season. Wonder what it is like in their dressing room now, do Voth and Jarvis have a giggle and tickle over their previous violent rivalry? Answers on a post-card please. No seriously ChecktotheHead wants to know if they are B.F.Fs now. Do the play backgammon or hang out at each others house to watch Deal or no Deal on a regular basis? We want to know. Points 0
Jarvis - Jarvis Branson Cocker is best known for fronting the band Pulp.But Cocker is also renowned for his witty charm and cultural scene observations. Does anyone else remember his parody of 'Common people' on Spitting Image? No?, just me then. Jarvis is a unique individual and that could all be down to being brought up in an almost exclusive female environment so he must have the patience of a saint or ability to drown out mindless 'TV Soap' psychobabble that women love to chit chat about. Its true, so true! At my last job the women there spoke about three topics, TV soaps, weight-loss and how they hate their husbands. How Jarvis put up with that growing up I will never know. He wins this one on that fact alone. Points 1
Good-looks:
Wes - Is it just my wonky twenty six year old eyes fooling me or does Wes Jarvis on his Cardiff Devils bio-page closely resemble Channel 5's premier vehicle review show '5th gear's veteran host Tiff Needell. Look, go see it when you get home. Load up the Devils website find Wes' biography page and let the Tiff Needellness overwhelm you. Separated at birth mmmm-hmmmm I think so. OR how about this for thinking outside the box. Maybe Wes really is a Wes Needell and is using the surname Jarvis to prove to everyone he can make it on his own. He doesn't need his "fathers" fame to get him on the career map. He is a clever, independent man, he doesn't need nobody to look after him. Maybe the box is there for a reason, we shouldn't think outside the box anymore. Points 1
Jarvis - Far to skinny but then again he always has been. He has those in deep thought eyes, you can see something is going on in that brain of his and his chiseled square jaw line is something that make the ladies go weak at the knees, Am I right ladies or am I right? Despite this his skinny body bulk is a serious put off. Get to McDonald's Jarvis. Points 0
Fitness:
Wes - He clocks up the games and doesn't spend long sitting down resting those long legs of his in the penalty box either. CttH fully believe he is a dedicated athlete. He rips it hard at the gym. He pounds out the miles on the tread mill and he skips like Mike Tyson. The new Mr.Motivator with the spandex suits only used at home. Points 0
Jarvis - Its all about taking on Michael Jackson oh yeah. He had belief in his mighty athletic ability, he knew he could take Michael one on one. Even if Jackson was pretending to be god at that point Jarvis knew the lord almighty was on his side. For his Brit Awards invasion of the stage he should have been knighted. He also avoided the stage security quite well. Nimble on his feet and all that. Jarvis wins this round. Points 1
Style:
Wes - He wears his hockey uniform well, he fills it out well. I mean his 222lbs 6'4' frame is more than suited to a hockey jerseys widthy proportions. He also wears the black Devils polo-shirt in a very, stylish classy manner. No sign of head gear though or accessories. 0 points
Jarvis - A Brit-pop icon that swept the nation with his embarrassing father or uncle at a close friends wedding reception style. Some people loved it others copied it whilst others only want me to talk about his cool glasses or sports coats. He also been known to show off in the odd flat-cap. We love flat Caps. Jarvis 1 point
Scoring Ability:
Wes - A stay back D man that looks after his own. I believe he is a family man, he has a gal back home. He's here to play hockey, stop the shots and get the points. It is what he really cares about. He doesn't need to score to be successful. Wes 0
Jarvis - Was in a rock band, chicks love a rocker. It doesn't matter what he looks like being in a band is cool, super cool. He could score with anyone, I'm surprised a certain Mrs/Miss/Ms Kensit never took a piece. Their is no better way to attract a female than being a hit in the charts. Jarvis 1
A shock result but you know you agree with it. The under-dog came game in true British style. Jarvis Cocker the countries greatest Jarvis. Rejoice.
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